Saturday, July 22, 2006

Baby Brand's Dresser, Part II

When last we left our heroes (Mommy and Daddy), Daddy was slaving away under the hot sun to strip a dresser for Baby Brand. Daddy had managed, despite the skull-popping heat and tar-like goo, to take an old dresser and prepare it for re-painting. Daddy's skill level at such things could best be described as amateur, but what he lacked in woodworking talent, he made up for in raw enthusiasm (or, as Mommy likes to call it "Optimistic ignorance"). So as we rejoin our couple, we find Daddy once more in the driveway with the dresser and drawers, already well on his way to applying the paint.



Daddy said: "I will paint this dresser all afternoon, if I have to!"

Mommy said: "That's good, because once you're done with the first coat of paint, I want you to polyurethane the entire inside of the dresser as well."

Daddy said: "Why would I do that? What's wrong with just leaving it bare wood?"



"Well," Mommy said, patiently, "Nothing. Except I'd have to divorce you."



"Yikes," Daddy said, "I wouldn't want that! But isn't all that polyurethane a little unnecessary?"

"See these cobwebs?" Mommy indicated a small spattering of spider webs from having stored the dresser in the basement for a week. "There will be baby clothes in that dresser. Not regular clothes, BABY clothes. As in, little tiny clothes. I'm not putting baby clothes in that thing until you polyurethane every surface of that wood."

"They're just a few cobwebs! Nothing to be afraid of! Look we'll just paint the exterior of the dresser and..."

(Mommy rushes Daddy with a crowbar)



"Jeepers! All right, all right! I'll polyurethane the WHOLE THING!"

"That's better," Mommy grumbled.

So Daddy painted.



.... and painted....



.... and painted some more....



"Jeez," Daddy said, "This sure is a lot of painting for such a small piece of furniture. It's nearly seven o'clock at night and I'm still painting!"

Mommy came out at regular intervals to gently correct Daddy's technique, which he thought was working perfectly well on its own, and to offer to do some of the polyurethaning.

"Gadzooks!" Daddy exclaimed, "You can't do any polyurethaning! That stuff is toxic to babies!"

"Are you sure?" Mommy asked.



"Well," Daddy replied, "I've been high for about an hour, does that tell you anything?"

Daddy managed to finish the painting just in time to narrowly avoid a light summer evening shower that decided to rain on his project. He carted the pieces onto the back porch, where they would stay until the following day.



(To Be Continued...)

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